When I recently held self-confidence workshop, I knew it was going to be transformational, but I could not imagine what an impact it would leave on the attendees and the way they changed their lives. The changes were so great that some had experienced healing, some had promotions at work, some improved partnerships and other relationships…
Although all the workshops I have held so far had excellent results, this has so far exceeded all the others. Why? Because self-confidence is the key. Because that’s your measure of your love for yourself. Yes, that was the second title of the workshop – learn to love yourself. It does not sound fancy, maybe not even very attractive, but once you’ve improved that, you’ve mastered everything.
Everything around us is a reflection of ourselves – towards ourselves. You are familiar with this already, I know. But that is why love for oneself is in the very core of everything that surrounds us. We can say that our life reflects our love for ourselves – and it would be most correct conclusion.
What is Self Confidence? I’m not going to explain definitions, but what it mainly mean is that it’s about the overall picture about ourselves, about recognizing our own values, and the attitude we have towards ourselves – how we treat ourselves.
This has a lot of layers, depending on the values and eliefs each person has. Although many will agree in the importance of self-confidence and self-love, it is hard to find something more specific and clear in terms of how to improve it.
So here’s my review of that topic:
1 Discover your source of confidence
I noticed that most people have one dominant source of self-confidence. The area from which they generate their own value. For some people this is family, to others career, money, physical appearance, etc.
It is important to find out which area of life is your dominant source of self-confidence, in order to be abel to improve it.
2 Strengthen other sources of confidence
Once you’ve found out what the source(s) of your self-confidence are, it’s time to strengthen the others. It is tricky when you have one focal point from which you build up all the self-value, because the moment something happens in that area (maybe you loose your job or divorce), you will not have a back-up, nothing to hold to, and this is the reason people often get depressed and lose ground under their feet under such circumstances.
Have you heard of the story of Adolf Merckle, a billionaire who, after losing a quarter of his 12 billion worth wealth, committed suicide? And many others who did this because of the loss of their job?
When you put all your value in one basket, what will happen when you loose it? It is therefore important to develop several sources of self-confidence.
If you put all your value in a partnership or marriage, what will happen if you break it or divorce?
Besides, when we develop in more than one area of life we will feel better abut ourselves and build self confidence. If you start today with physical activity for example, which you have ignored or postponed so far, you will begin to feel better and look better physically, you know that it will affect your self confidence. If you go to a course of photography, dance, or something else that interests you, you will devote yourself to something you love, to acquire new knowledge and this will change the image you have about yourself.
3 The foundation of self-confidence is love for oneself
Everything I said above can and will help, but the foundation of self-confidence lies here – in self love and acceptance. Even if you accomplish a lot, even if you build great business, earn a lot of money, have family, if you do not like yourself, all of this won’t help you much. You must have heard of the story of R. Williams, a well-known and favorite comedian who had all of the above, but eentually took his life?
So how do you love yourself? I believe you have read countless times that you should love yourself – but how to do that?
Here’s a quick exercise: Stand in front of the mirror and ask yourself how much you like the person you see in the mirror? Your honest answer will tell all about the quality of your life.
Once you change this, once you are able to look into the mirror and see the person you love and who is your best friend, any circumstances will hardly shake you because the source of your value is in you – and only in you. And you are aware of it.
In other words, seek harmony within and not outside yourself. Because when you’re looking for value outside yourself, it always means there’s a shortage inside. Change it inbside out first and then do the activities you love, surround yourself with the people you love and with whom you feel good, etc. Yes, that’s the only way.
And only then you can be the one who gives, and does not seek, because there is no lack within. Only then you can give love without concern if someone refuses you because it does not affect your love for you. Only then you can feel safe when you are threatened with a job loss or a financial crisis. Yes, just as I wrote in one of the previous texts, it really starts with love for oneself.